Most of the time – particularly when we are overwhelmed with ‘stuff’ that Life has thrown at us – we forget how far we’ve come, how many obstacles we have negotiated and survived! We almost never stop, look back and appreciate how many achievements we’ve accumulated, how we have managed to overcome numerous challenges and […]
As I’ve said before, the majority of our behaviors are driven by our sub-conscious mind and the beliefs we’ve chosen over the years. The overriding intention of any behaviors stemming from our beliefs, is to protect us in what ever way it can, given the circumstances.
This can be very hard for us to understand and remember, when dealing with particularly anti-social or hurtful actions, but it is always true, however unpalatable it may be. Please do not think that we need to agree with that chosen behavior or condone it in any way, however we must identify it as serving a positive purpose for the person who is doing it albeit on a sub-conscious level. Think of unhappy children who crave attention, any attention being better than none. They quickly work out that being good and quiet means that they are left on their own, no parent or carer engages with them. But they crave attention and interaction and notice that they get a great deal of it if they act out, shout, or break the rules or display anger. Depending on how that is received, the code is then set up – act angry and upset etc and I will get the attention I so crave. They are simply trying to get what they need in the only way they know how.
Another common example is bullying – belittling, dominating behavior of any kind. Generally speaking, people who need to engage with others by making them feel small, stupid, unimportant and dominated are actually feeling all those things themselves. At some point they have taken on the belief that they are small, a failure, insignificant etc. So all their behavior – subconsciously – is driven by a need to make themselves feel better & more important. So they have made a choice – still subconsciously – to make others feel dominated because that means they feel better about their own importance.
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I confess……..I used to be a control freak!! – I felt that I did everything really well and efficiently and that everything needed to be organised & controlled & in order at all times. I also believed that no one else could do it as well as I could, so rather than delegate I found it […]
I spent a long time trying to get other people to change or waiting for my perceived ‘Ideal living or work circumstances’ so that everything would be ‘perfect’ and I would be happy and content. All it bought me was a constant state of discontent and fruitless searching for the thing or person or situation that was going to make everything alright. In constantly searching for what was missing rather than focusing on what was positive or beautiful in my life already, I was chasing my tail, unable to appreciate the many, many wonderful things in my life on a daily basis. Once I recognised how exhausting this was, I relaxed and started to notice & experience the happiness I was constantly striving for previously.
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Respect and non-judgement is something I think most of us like to feel that we have, particularly for those we love. However without practicing Golden Rule 1 – Understanding that we all have a different view of the world – it is impossible to truelly practice non-judgement. Be honest, how many arguments/battles of wills/broken relationships have you experienced over the years that,when it comes to it, are about someone not sharing your views or opinions or way of living?
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