Golden Rule 3 Change your perception instead of the circumstances!
I spent a long time trying to get other people to change or waiting for my perceived ‘Ideal living or work circumstances’ so that everything would be ‘perfect’ and I would be happy and content. All it bought me was a constant state of discontent and fruitless searching for the thing or person or situation that was going to make everything alright. In constantly searching for what was missing rather than focusing on what was positive or beautiful in my life already, I was chasing my tail, unable to appreciate the many, many wonderful things in my life on a daily basis. Once I recognised how exhausting this was, I relaxed and started to notice & experience the happiness I was constantly striving for previously.
We need to go back to that first Golden Rule of understanding our own unique way of viewing the world and how we will only ‘see’ what confirms and supports that view – if we believe that there is never enough & all our behavior is therefore driven by a need to accumulate and stockpile to try and have ‘enough’, then we will always see that proverbial glass as ‘half-empty’! But what if we can change that belief and instead believe that everything we need to give us pleasure, contentment and love is already in our lives everyday? We then start seeing our world through a totally different lens – the world hasn’t changed but how we see it and what we get from it is enormously different.
Life has a tendency to throw us lots of challenges and we always have a choice as to how to deal with them and what to feel about them. Instead of choosing to get completely overwhelmed and immersed in all the probable negatives, taking a step back, acknowledging ‘well that was shit!’ and then making a decision that enables you to move on and learn from it, can transform not only your mood (& life), but those around you too! It’s very stressful living with someone who experiences every challenge as an enormous problem that induces anger, blame seeking, punishment, or criticism. How much more liberating and forgiving it can be if we live in an environment where it’s Ok to make mistakes, to see them as the process of learning, to accept them and move on, in the full knowledge that our love for the person or for ourselves is undiminished.
Think about any problem or difficult situation that has happened in your past – try and identify something that you learnt from it, soemthing that perhaps meant that you were able to deal with similar situations afterwards in a more productive way, or showed you something that you realised wasn’t working for you & you changed it for the better? That old saying ‘Every Cloud has a silver lining’ is actually true, if you are able to look with fresh eyes!
My own son when he was at school, hated it, he felt he was isolated, that people didn’t like him or understand him. He felt sure it was because we were recently moved from the UK, that he was ‘different’ from the other kids. Lots of the other kids wouldn’t leave him alone, constantly asking questions & imitating his accent. After an identification of Dyslexia, we worked with him & a Practitioner to help him understand that he needed to learn in a different way, that to him the Teacher was speaking a different language but that she was more than keen to help him with anything. The other kids were simply curious and wanted to hear him speak about life in London & to hear his English accent because they were unfamiliar with it. He was struggling with the learning because of his Dyslexia, this was making him feel isolated & ‘different’ so he was assuming that everyone else’s behavior was intended to make him feel worse! Once he got the help he needed, he relaxed & was able to start making connections, make friends & start feeling supported. Same school – totally different perception!
I’m not saying that changing yourself without help or direction or guidance is easy, but with a kick start from the wonderful QTT methods I use, you will be able to change some of the deepest beliefs, behaviors & emotions within the sessions. It’s like having the blinkers taken off and seeing everything with fresh eyes and your world will open up for you.
Daily practices that cost nothing eg keeping a gratitude diary or writing something you are grateful for on a piece of paper then folding it up & putting it in a box or a lovely bowl. Then, in times when you’re struggling a bit, fish into that box or bowl and open up some of your previously recorded gems as a reminder of all you have? Over time you will just naturally start seeing what is positive rather than what is negative and you may help others around you to do the same – how bad?
By the way there are several Studies that concluded that ‘positive people’ were more likely to achieve ‘exceptional longevity’ – a 11-15% longer life span in fact. They have a lower risk of heart conditions, cancer, strokes, lung conditions & infections and have a better recovery rate from surgery & illness. What’s more, a Boston University School of Medicine study has linked intervention methods like QTT, CBT or NLP (all methods I work with), to increased levels of optimism & positivity. Research also found that happiness is more likely if you are surrounded by like-minded people, so if you are feeling low make a bee line for that person in your life who is a ‘glass half-full’ kind of girl, it will make a difference!
Simply deciding to be an optimist seldom works in isolation and you do have to put things in place or address underlying issues in a pragmatic and realistic way that works for you. This is where my Coaching or Mentoring skills come in, alongside my decades of experience working as a TV Producer in a culture where saying ‘no’ or ‘it can’t be done’, taught me so many different & productive ways of problem solving!!
If you want to know more about kick-starting a more tailored approach to your life so that you can achieve whatever you want, pop your details into one of the sign up boxes on my website and we can have a chat, or read the coaching & mentoring page on the site.
Nb. The ‘5 Golden Rules’ are a collection of concepts put together by Moira Geary ‘The Recombobulator’, My Mentor and Creator of QTT Personal development Methods. Please find links to the rest of this Blog series below:-
Golden Rules series:-
- https://rebecca-atkinson.com/5-golden-rules-to-create-your-golden-life-rule-1/
- https://rebecca-atkinson.com/golden-rule-2-practice-non-judgement/
- https://rebecca-atkinson.com/golden-rule-3-change-your-view-not-the-world/
- https://rebecca-atkinson.com/golden-rule-4-there-is-a-positive-intention-behind-all-behavior/
- https://rebecca-atkinson.com/golden-rule-5-everything-we-need-is-already-within-us/