How to adopt the Practice of Discernment.
Discernment/to be discerning – is a term or concept that keeps coming up for me atm.
I believe that we start noticing what we need or want when it becomes most needed, just as we start noticing new cars on the road just when we have decided to buy one!
I am called to explore what being in the world & accessing our powers of discernment could mean. Indeed what may change within the wider world when we all feel able to operate with discernment?
The dictionary definition has it as:–
- To separate or discriminate truth from falsehood
- To be able to distinguish between things & use our perception & insight to make choices that are valuable & relevant to us
- being able to understand things, people or situations beyond what the surface suggests.
- To perceive what lies beneath the obvious, to see or hear with integrity & insight AND determine what the true value or truth may be for us…
Some believe that Discernment comes with birth or education or age and all 3 may be true AND I believe that we all have the capacity for it with practice
Why should we practice? Now, perhaps more than ever before, we are called to use our discernment in all aspects of life, from judging the true value of cheap food or commodities & understand the real cost, to using it to determine fact from fiction, right from wrong in news reports, politics, Health choices & relationships.
Long gone are the days when we could rely on the media to report without bias, direction or downright prejudice. …(if indeed this ever really existed).
In the days of AI in the hands of those with a vested interest, we cannot even be sure of the veracity of images or Artworks or even videos footage…
Everything is up for grabs & we have a choice as to how to navigate that:-
- We can choose to sink into a feeling of disempowerment, loss of control, the ground under us has disapeared and we don’t know what to believe anymore….we may then feel unsafe & anxious without knowing exactly why…
- Choose to view this as an invitation to re-connect to our own individual powers of perception & intuition as well as our own values – knowing what is intrinsically right or wrong. Placing all publicly provided ‘information’ as worthy of investigation before determining it’s merit. To become our own researchers and ‘fact checkers’ – as far as we are able. Most of all to re-connect with the basic moral codes AND to even question ourselves and our own internal compasses….
The second option is more appealing to me and to most of my Clients & this is where a commitment to personal development work & reconnecting with our selves really shows it’s lasting value.
The whole Covid19 debacle is a good example of what can happen when we feel stripped of our powers of discernment AND it is also a great example of what happens when those powers are exercised despite huge pressure & prejudice.
Many of us used our discernment to see beyond this widespread misinformation & stood firm in the face of great criticism, ostracisation, condemnation & insults, only to be proved right after the mass hysteria subsided.
I have lost count of the number of Clients and family and friends who now tell me:-
‘I wish I had acted differently’,
‘I wish I hadn’t bowed down to the pressure & taken those jabs or made my children wear a mask’,
‘I wish I had done a bit of my own research or listened to other views’…
‘I just feel I can’t trust what we are told any more…’
I want to make it very clear that I have no interest in commanding the moral high ground here & saying ‘I told you so’. We all make our own choices based on our previous experiences & the filters through which we experience the world. We can only make those choices using the resources we have at any given time & the beliefs we adhere to…
Whatever our choices were previously, we do not have to keep choosing them.
Instead we can Take stock & ask;-
- What did I learn from this?
- What compelled me to make those choices?
- What was the impact of those choices on how I feel now?
- What can I do now to mitigate that impact?
- How can I do it differently next time?
I know that many of us ‘woke up’ during the Covid experience and are now much more discerning AND I also know that many of us also chose to become very paranoid and afraid that ‘they’ are out to get us and we must be hyper-vigilant at all times…
If you think about it, this is very similar to someone being in Hyper-vigilance due to fear of ‘dis-ease’ – neither state is empowering in the long run or sustainable, often leading to exhaustion, burn out and isolation…
This is where personal development work is So valuable – the recognition of our own wounds – our biases and blinkers, our own endless capacity for perceiving our worlds through ancient & deep filter systems & how that drives all our behaviour.
When we can be conscious of our own capacity for self-censorship, we stop blaming others & take full responsibility for our own actions, far from being a burden it becomes liberating.
And we start to understand how relatively easily we can transform these self imposed stories & beliefs, take the filters off and live feeling more free than ever before no matter what the external circumstances. When the majority of us feel able to live like this then together we can create a kinder, safer world not only for us, but by doing so, transforming it for others by osmosis…
The discerning Coach –
The role of Coach for anyone seeking to act with greater discernment can be completely transformative. A skilled Coach can fast track personal growth & self-confidence and cut through the inevitable resistance and BS that we all throw up when we are seeking real lasting changes.
The skills of a professional Coach can be said to be;-
- The ability to see and understand people, things, or situations clearly and intelligently, without judgment or investment in any preconceived outcome.
- To be able to facilitate discernment in the Coachee about both themselves and those they come into contact with, so that ultimately discernment can become the natural automated response rather than knee jerk reactions that perpetuate conflict, aggression & misunderstanding.
- To reconnect the Coachee with themselves, their own inner resources & wisdom & support the ability to feel confident and strong enough to hear, listen AND act from this place of wisdom.
So why has this reminder of the power of discernment come into my Life lately?
I have reached a stage where I need to loosen some old beliefs and values around taking part & showing up…remnants of a need to ‘prove’ myself & seek recognition particularly in learning new skills. I spent my school years always feeling not clever, not able, struggling to keep up, fearful that I would be caught out & found lacking…
As I grow older and wiser I recognise that this ‘need’ can cloud my judgment and drives me to take on too much, to feel I must keep taking part in courses & learning opportunities …
I love this capacity in me – the lack of fear around learning as well as the determination not to become another stereotype of the disempowering belief around ‘Old age’.
And I also recognise that It’s safe to apply the brakes now & to be more discerning about how much and how often I show up or take part…
I feel & do better when I can be more discerning & I give myself permission to stand down from commitments that I may later perceive to be fruitless or detrimental to my well being.
I do not need to show up for everything any more…It is a better use of my time to be more selective & be able to do those things really well.
Self-care practices are also something we must use discernment in -How are you taking care of yourself?
Spending 5 minutes daily doing a practice so we can tick it off the ‘to do’ list, is not the same as spending dedicated longer time, maybe less often, deeply immersed in our choices & feeling the benefits…
How are you measuring results?
How do you know what you have chosen for yourself is paying dividends?
The Practice of Discernment starts here & can transform how we feel internally and therefore what drives our behaviour – when we no longer feel unsafe we can take the time to exercise discernment before making choices……
Adopting the 3 steps below will help support a more discerning approach to others as well as ourselves:-
The 3 ‘H’’s – Adopting the 3 steps below will help support a more healthy approach to many areas:-
1. Humility – no judgment of others, knowing that we all have a unique story that informs our perceptions. abandoning any preconceived notions of different views being wrong or right….. No Hierarchy! Asking ‘what can I learn’ from this alternative view?
2. Hearing – means listening without needing to talk. Be attentive and non- judgmentally present. Pay special attention to any ‘gut feelings’ or intuition. Ask whether your requested feedback is kind, respectful & necessary? Also asking whether there is continued value in listening to this particular source of information or person?
3. Honesty – being conscious of anything we may be feeling & how that may influence our reactions or responses… Taking responsibility for our own part in any conversation, choices or situations Being able to fully express our own views, needs, values or experiences no matter how unpopular or unfashionable and always with respect & kindness.. Knowing what we need to sustain health & hold any boundaries needed to do that.
I believe that the more we can come back to our own selves, feel our own unique responses AND feel able to act from a place of knowledge & wisdom with integrity, respect and kindness as well as an agreed basic moral code that doesn’t hide behind semantics, greed or judgment then the powerful and free we shall become.
How can you start your practice of discernment today? Maybe with an audit of where you get your ‘information’ from? Whatever we spend time looking at, enhances & grows and becomes more ‘truthful’ the more we look at it.
What happens when we dis-engage & start noticing instead our gut responses to events or news items that we may have become immune to? What if we gift ourselves time to process and ask useful questions of ourselves or others?
Please leave any comments or consider reaching out for any needed support to enhance your ability to be discerning & create a Life of freedom. To help you discern whether to work with me book a free ‘Clarity Call’ with me.