Receiving without Giving?

Recently I was given an extremely generous gift from someone very dear to me. The gift was totally unexpected, extremely generous & made me cry! The timing of it at a moment when it lifted me out of a dark hole meant that its worth was magnified beyond it’s ‘face value’ and to say that I was, and am immeasurably grateful is an under statement! So What’s the problem, you may ask? Not so much of a problem as a small revelation – I found it more difficult to accept this gift than I would have imagined. I struggled with it because I immediately went into thoughts of ‘I will be in debt’, ‘ I can never re-pay this’ & ‘I haven’t earned this & therefore don’t deserve it’.

I thought that I had got pretty good at accepting gifts and offers of help (which are gifts of course), & even compliments without feeling that I had to ‘re-pay’ each one – to make things ‘even’. It made me really look at what was underlying this struggle, and of course there were some deep seated family values I was carrying that came to light. The big one was around the relationship with the person who gifted me – a relationship that in our joint family history meant that my role was to be the person who helped, who supported and who took responsibility. I was not the family member who needed help, I was the one who gave it! This gift challenged that, my role and the beliefs I had set up around that, which is what made it so hard initially, to accept. I’m happy to say that because of my own personal development work with QTT Life coaching Methods & Homeopathy, the process of letting go of these beliefs and shifting my view of myself was a smooth and quick one. I also believe that it has strengthened and deepened my relationship with my unexpected Benefactor even more!

The whole thing inspired me to make my theme or idea of the week around being able to receive without giving – sounds easy doesn’t it? How many of you are happy to accept favours/offers of help from friends or family without any intention of doing something in return? How many of you can accept a compliment without saying anything other than ‘thank you’ – not ‘Oh this old thing’ or ‘it was cheap’ or even ‘Oh you look great too’?

When we turn a gift – for that is what a compliment or offer of help is – into a debt, we rob both ourselves and the person giving. Part of any gift is feeling the pleasure of it, the fact that someone cares for us deeply enough or even momentarily enough to think of something that will give us pleasure or support us. It’s difficult to do that if we immediately start thinking of ways to ‘pay it back’, or we try to refuse it because we believe we can not pay it back. The whole potentially beautiful exchange can become sullied and awkward.

Equally there are some people in life who need to give in order to feel some recognition or gratitude from others – these are often people who feel a lack of love or connection in their lives and have chosen to seek self-validation from being perceived as helpful/valuable/giving. It is often very difficult for them to give anonymously – to do ‘random acts of kindness’ (love this phrase) without anyone knowing it was even them. This is not a judgement for we can never walk in someone else’s shoes, we all have our own story and we live our lives according to it. Just know that if this is you or someone dear to you, it doesn’t have to be a life sentence! Everything can be changed or released if it isn’t working for you.

So why not set yourself a challenge for a week or more if possible? Notice how many gifts, however small they may be, that you can receive with pleasure and acknowledge them by simply saying ‘thank you’ – no paying it back in any way at all? Also see how many little acts of kindness or generosity you can do for others without seeking any acknowledgment? This could be as simple as leaving that €1 coin in the shopping trolley for the next person or giving your half used car park ticket to someone, buying a stranger a cup of coffee or making a donation to charity, volunteering or simply helping someone do something they are obviously struggling with. Notice how you feel when you do this  – does it give you pleasure even if you know there is nothing coming directly back to you from your action? If this is initially a struggle, have a think about why, what values might you be carrying around accepting gifts? The more you practice this, the easier it becomes and if it feels too much, let’s have a chat about how I can help you with that.

I promise you that the world has your back, there is a natural flow of energy and the more you selflessly give and gratefully receive – the more you will connect with this natural giving & receiving which means that gifts will come your way in increasing abundance, making your life even more beautiful than it already is!