The Path to Freedom involves taking risks
I recently listened to a podcaster talking about how grateful He is to his Parents in allowing him to take risks as a child …
How they built tree houses high up in tall trees
They left him to explore playgrounds in his own way – climbing, balancing, jumping and yes, sometimes falling..
As a result of this freedom to explore, He grew up without very many disabling fears, or at least learnt to feel a degree of nervousness & still go for it! He also got to know the difference between calculated risks and mad/life threatening risks and a pretty good sense of his capabilities…
Now He looks back at his life and feels proud of all the adventures he’s had, the places he’s travelled to, the relationships he’s had AND the Life he is now still enjoying exploring as a 60+ Man, still stretching himself and adding to his adventures…
I have a similar story of my own upbringing – roaming around the english countryside with my sister, no adults with us, building camps, wading up streams, running away from bulls and popping back to my Grandparents kitchen for a sandwich when we felt peckish…
At school too – our Science lessons were a modern Day Health & Safety Officers nightmare, messing with Bunsen Burners, mixing toxic substances together to create mini explosions ….not a sign of any eye goggles, masks or protective clothing!
Art classes with constant cuts from making lino prints with actual knives! Using huge paper splicers & learning to experiment with different materials rather than slavishly copy someone else’s idea of art or repeatedly colour in boring line drawings….…..interesting how much value is placed from a very young age on colouring/staying within the lines……
Ofcourse socially too I grew up in the days without mobile phones, internet or even daytime TV ! As a female adolescent we took risks all the time….calculating which men or boys were to be trusted and which not…who to accept a drink or a lift from and when it was safer to walk home alone …
Most of us left home, age 17 to travel, as I did to the USA, or to college or to jobs away from Home & we couldn’t wait to explore without our parents watching over us even if we felt a bit nervous about stepping out……I remember my Mother having to phone me at the restaurant where I worked in Rhode Island to ask when was I coming back home as I had a place at University waiting & I was due to start in 3 weeks time?! Remember communication was either letter writing or very expensive phone calls. My Parents had taken a risk letting me have that freedom to travel across the world under the legal age of consent – remembering that helped me to encourage my own daughter go up to College in Galway age 17, even though she had not grown up in London & had led a much more sheltered life than I had at her age…
I believe, with all my soul, that being able to practice all that risk taking has resulted in me feeling a level of inner trust, confidence and knowing of myself that many of the generations younger than me seem to lack…
I see the results of not feeling safe to take risks in many of my Clients & their children, as well as some friends and associates of mine – the majority considerably younger than me and therefore with almost lifelong access to mobile phones, social media, the internet and it’s constant stream of information & a news reporting style of shameful bias and disaster mongering…..
I witness parents who are chronically anxious about anything happening to them and their children, who feel they must watch & control every tiny detail of their children’s lives so that they never take risks. Before anyone says ‘But the world was a lot safer then than these days….’ How do you know that to be true? Statistics do not support that belief – there were just as many potential dangers out there as there are now, it is our perception that has changed…
What are the Results of parenting from a place of fear or anxiety?
When we make any decisions or make any choices from a state of constant fear or the belief that danger is lurking round every corner, then as parents we want to keep our children safe from that perceived danger. But by denying them the experience of making choices themselves we transfer our own fears onto them and they may either default to staying small & not venturing into the wider world, they may be obedient while they have to be and look for any opportunity to break free from your constraints and have to practice out in the world rather than in a safer container ie within the family unit. Ofcourse you may also get the rebels who will fight you tooth & nail for every chance to experience risk taking and who wants to support a constant fight with our children? It may help to remember that it is actually an essential part of our healthy make up to feel a degree of risk taking, excitement & stretchiness what ever our age – without it we wouldn’t progress and grow at all even learning to crawl & walk involves pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones and taking risks!
So why am I feeling that younger generations than me have become so adverse to risks? Is it coincidence that once ready access to social media, all day TV & the steady drip drip feed of ‘bad news’, Insta perfect images & the cult of celebrity, became the norm, that anxiety levels sky rocketed and the readiness to take risks plummeted? Naturally, if we believe that the world is a terrible, evil, dangerous place that we must constantly be wary of everything, our behaviour is driven by that fear & a constant need to feel safe…
Is it coincidence that when we are living mostly in a state of fear or anxiety that we do not make good, long term decisions, we can’t see clearly any choices other than those right in front of us and we are very easily manipulated by anyone claiming to know more than us? In short we readily give away our power and are utterly compliant….
I wonder who benefits from having the majority of the population in that state???
Children of all ages are influenced by the vibration or energetic frequency transmitted by their primary care givers – some children literally feel what a parent is feeling & some are unconsciously influenced by it, as are we as adults too.
Often when I am asked to treat anxious children or irritable frustrated children or even sad children – it is screamingly obvious that these feelings actually belong to the parent/s or grandparents or whoever is of the most influence in their lives…It’s why I love to support whole families rather than single children wherever possible. It is difficult to sustain a single element in a family dynamic being balanced, healthy & fully able to express herself unless the whole family environment is also balanced, healthy and well able to hold strong supportive space for that child….
Transforming what we have chosen to believe about risk taking or basically stepping out of our individual comfort zones can create totally different family atmospheres and ultimately humans who know how to grow themselves, take calculated risks or leaps of faith and reap the benefits from that. Humans who are no longer governed by fear, can think more clearly about both long term & short term choices. They know they have choices in the first place! These are the Humans who lead full, rich lives unafraid to speak out, to express themselves, to question, to travel, to explore different relationships, jobs & contribute to a better world…
None of that is possible without taking risks.
Yes sometimes we can stumble, fall, make a mistake or we don’t quite get the results we hoped for, but at least we can look back and know that we weren’t afraid to give it a go…and there is always something to be learnt from every bit of risk taking.
Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
- Living Authentically: Wishing to have felt the courage to live a life true to oneself, rather than the life others expected.
- Work-Life Balance: Regret over spending too much time on the “treadmill” of work, missing being an active part of children’s development or time with their partners.
- Emotional Expression: Wishing to have had the courage to express feelings, rather than suppressing them to keep the peace.
- Friendships: Regret for not staying in touch with friends and neglecting social connections.
- Happiness: Wishing to have allowed oneself to be happier, rather than fearing change or clinging to familiarity.
All of these are actually about not feeling able to take risks, choosing to stay safe, in familiar patterns of behaviour even when we don’t feel that comfortable or rewarded. ‘Courage’ is about being brave – feeling a degree of nervousness and doing it anyway – taking a risk!
Mostly the dying do not regret what they have done, they regret what they haven’t done.
So how do we start to change what can feel like deep rooted beliefs about the world or about ourselves so that we are more comfortable with risk taking?
- Open to the possibility that anything we believe or feel about ourselves or others can be transformed. That nothing is carved in stone or part of our characters. We do not have to find a way to settle for anything that holds us back…. There are thousands of examples of people that have completely transformed how they feel about themselves, others and the world. They have therefore gone on to experience lives that before they only dreamt about…Maybe you know of someone already?
- Make a list of anyone you know of that is currently inspiring you, people who you witness are living the kind of life you resonate with but feel is maybe out of your reach right now. Get to know them even if it’s reading their social media, be in their company, choose to enjoy their energy….But be conscious of how you receive that energy & be sure that it lights you up & motivates rather than makes you feel less than…
- Take some time to dream & create a clear vision of the kind of life you would like to experience without disproportionate fear, anxiety or worry….what would you do AND most importantly what would you feel, once you were living that life? Journal on this or make a vision board. Take your time with this.
- Journal on what’s stopped you so far from living that life & be aware of any de-fault patterns of blame. Take radical responsibility for your own choices but without judgment – there are always good reasons why we make those choices AND those reasons are often just stories we are telling ourselves to reinforce those choices….
- Ask yourself what is possible when I feel willing to make changes, take a few risks and start to create the life I want?
- Ask yourself what is likely to happen if I do not make any changes, how will i feel in a years time, 5 years or 10 years time if everything remains the same?
- Then make a list of some simple small action steps or different choices that you could make asap that are different from your habitual behaviour. That maybe you have been putting off for ages, that make you feel a bit stretched….out of the comfort zone you are currently living in…NB these can actually be doing less, more self care they do not have to be taking on more …
- Take action on at least one of those steps TODAY! Feel the fear & do it anyway…take a risk on yourself!
It may be that you know that you will flourish with some support and safe space holding from someone else in order to take that first step?
That may be a trusted friend or a professional practitioner, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for that support, we are not meant to do these things alone…
If this resonates and you want to speak further, you may want to book a free one to one call with me to find out how I can best support you on your journey.